hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
