Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
