It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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