Christians are straight up FREAKS
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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