ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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