pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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