i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
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