so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
