my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
