Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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