my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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