On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
did you just send me my own nude
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize