I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
