Have you finally orgasmed yet?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize