lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
