I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
