I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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