I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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