just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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