I am spending my child support on dildos
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
