Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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