I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
