the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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