I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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