I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
