We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
