Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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