this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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