just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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