So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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