what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
