your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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