then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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