Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
