Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
