3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
