I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize