my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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