You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I want a musical about memes.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I woke up under a house in Key West
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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