wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
