Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
