Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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