Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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