If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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