walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
