Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
