I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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