never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Holy shit dude........stairs
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
