operation harelip BJ is a go
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
