We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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