In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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