I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
