You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I need a beard to bite.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize