That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
