I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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