How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
