I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
