I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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