Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
