I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
