i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
