**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize