I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You made out with two different species that night
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
