Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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