I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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