Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
