i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
