a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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