how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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